The Warmth of Your Love

 With Snowflake Day fast approaching at the BTMCBF, I decided it was time to add some holiday cheer to the old place. It looks much less like a temple of doom and destruction with pretty icicle lights! I also decided to undertake a few more construction projects around the facility.

Since the Branches tend to piss on the floor and pass out in the dining room, I decided that they wouldn't miss one of the cells, so I re-purposed it for the Hall of Remembrance.

I added a little art to put the finishing touches on the space. It is still far too small, but I can always knock out the wall to the next cell when the time comes. Don't worry, Branch, there will always be room for your remains.

Following the traumatic ass birth in the kitchen, our new baby Branch was put to bed and life went on as normal.

In spite of the fact that there is a crib less than five squares from where Branch is standing, he decided that this would be the best place to put his newborn. Good job, shit for brains.



Plopping a babby on the closest available floor tile seems to be par for the course at the BTMCBF.

 Of course, babby storage is not the only thing the floor is used for here in the facility.

 For fuck's sake, Branch.

Any basic etiquette manual will tell you that it is rude to kick someone after you pee on them.


Do you really need any more reasons for keeping Branch in this facility?

The same Branch that started the last fire decided to cook yet another meal. The results weren't as disastrous this time, but he has still failed to grasp the concept of not scorching the living shit out of everything.  

Branch took this relative period of calm to drop yet another turd baby in what is likely the smallest room in the facility. Of course you should go into labor in the shower stall where I can't possibly get a picture of you.

Being his second child, this Branch had a relatively quick labor. Apparently sphincter muscles just don't regain their elasticity after they've gone through that sort of trauma.

Welcome to the world, baby Branch Timbley.

Another screeching burrito has put me in such a good mood, I think it is time to go ahead with that period of peace for Branch. In fact, I think that it is time for a Branch wedding, and to show that I'm not a terribly spiteful sim god, I've decided to give the new couple a happy honeymoon.

So I built the couple a lovely honeymoon hut in back of the facility. The hut has everything they could possibly need for privacy and romance. I even built them a large privacy fence around the hut to keep other nosy Branches away.

Under the watchful eye of the towering cowplant of doom, our two Branches decided to get hitched.

Like the classy man he is, Branch decided that he should wear his best formal outfit to the ceremony. Barefoot and pregnant = so chic.

And let's not overlook the stray Branch photobombing his own wedding. You're in here because you pulled this shit on the outside. Will you never learn? I had to pause the game no less than 5 times to move this shitstack out of the line of the camera. This fucking guy...

 In spite of the screaming babies and the starving groom, it was a lovely ceremony.

 Ah, doesn't this touching scene just make you want to vomit?

Following the big kiss, Branch took the opportunity to stand directly in front of the camera again while a different Branch decided that peeing on the floor was far less satisfying than taking a large dump on the tiles. 

Assuming the grunting and moaning was coming from our mad pooper, I nearly missed the groom going into labor.

Both ass deliveries went smoothly, and the facility was blessed with a new baby Branch.

Eager to get on with their honeymoon, the new baby Branch was dumped unceremoniously on the floor and our lovers rushed out to their new honeymoon hut.  


Unfortunately, their sim god decided that tonight was the perfect time for a blizzard.

 In spite of the freezing weather, our lovesick Branches decided that their love would be enough to keep them warm.

They quickly moved their canoodling to the bed and settled in for the night after some rollicking between the sheets.

Waking from a terrible dream, Branch stumbled out of bed and realized that in his lovestruck foolishness, he and his new husband have placed themselves in mortal danger by sleeping outdoors during a blizzard.

Branch trudged around the bed to wake his husband to warn him, but before he could make it, tragedy struck.

It's so early for this love to have gone cold. (Oh god, I'm sorry.) See what happens to our lovers in the next post.