Love is in the air (Or is that body odor)

So I realized that I didn't say that much about baby Branch. Honestly, I don't give a shit about this burrito. It's sort of like getting attached to livestock, only more gruesome.

 

The little shit machine was born with the artistic trait, and I graced him with the slob trait. He really should have been given the "able to flee from death" trait, but it seems EA overlooked that one. Also note the QUALITY PARENTING. Leaving your baby a cement floor in the middle of a busy walkway is absolutely the best way to go.

Of course, it seems that his dads had more important things to do...

 Ahh...forced love

 STAHP! You're making me sick.

I didn't realize Branch was this strong. I figured it would require a front end loader to perform this trick.

 Oh god, what are you doing? What kind of narcissist do you have to be to marry yourself?

Of course he said yes *sigh*. I suppose you fuckers are going to make me arrange a wedding for you.

 STAHP IT! OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, I CAN SEE THE BACK OF YOUR THROAT! *Vomits uncontrollably* You're all welcome for the free birth control.

 And baby Branch has been left abandoned all of this time. Thankfully, another Branch decided to pick him up just in time for his birthday. As an aside, did you know that slobs also fail to autonomously change diapers? I'm pretty sure baby Branch didn't get his diaper changed the entire time he was an infant. I finally caved and forced one of the Branches to do it after he aged up. 

 Branch, you look even dumber as a child than you do as an adult. I thought kids were supposed to be cute.

 Outstanding, you're really endearing yourself to me. Let me guess, you're pointing to the empty cavity in your head that should contain a brain?

 "Let me dooowwwwwn! I want to pick my nose and shit on the floor! And your pits smell like aaaasssssssss."

Well, I can't imagine that this child will ever be trained to walk, talk, or poop (not that he'd be smart enough to learn anyhow), so I'm curious to see what trait he'll get assigned.



As soon as baby Branch aged up, he decided to go exploring. Here at the BMCBF, we believe that the best way to build a child's immune system is to expose them to germs at an early age. We believe in the flooding method. If our theory is correct, this Branch is likely to never get sick again.

Which is probably a good thing. I've tried my best to force them to clean this mess up, but I can only manage to get them to stack a few plates before they abandon the task, so we now have tiny towers of filth everywhere. The kitchen is so filthy that the flies and green clouds are actually causing my computer to lag when I view that area. I really should just nuke this place from orbit.


While I was busy following baby Branch around, a terrible event took place in the dining area. A few more of the Branches have decided to get acquainted.



*gags* This is really all too creepy to tolerate.


After following them for a bit, they decided to retire to the bedroom. I generally play while listening to music or an audiobook on my ipod, so I was caught completely off guard the next day when  the camera jerked around to show me this:

 Branch! You whore!

I was even more shocked when the camera then jerked to show me this:

I came close to deleting the save when the camera did it for a third time. In my horror, I failed to grab a picture, but trust me, this nightmare is happening. I have three pregnant Branches in the facility. As close as I can figure, both members of the newly engaged couple are pregnant, and one of the Branches from the new couple is knocked up.

Three baby Branches...  Shoot me now.

 

 Before I end this post, you should really take another look at this mess. I'm astounded that this is even possible. I keep waiting for one of them to break character and beg for a maid.

 And a picture to leave you wondering. How in the hell does he get his ass in the air with those tiny little wings?