Lightning Doesn't Strike Twice

I trust that you have had time to recover from the shock of seeing the full force of Branch's love from himself. I've never spent more time gagging while setting up poses than I did for the Branch lovin.

Now, back to our experiment. When I left you last time, I showed you that we were going to have a new member in the facility. I mean, who wouldn't want to bring a new life into this place:


After 3 days of the worst case of constipation ever, Branch decided to lube up and squeeze our new member out.

Background Branch: "Oh god! What the fuck are you doing? You can't shit in the dining room!"

"How'd you manage to wrap your turd in a blanket?"





Welcome to the world, baby Branch! Don't worry, due to a lack of an OMGWTFBBQ for TS3, the Branch burrito will have to wait until he is older to be tortured.

Also note the rare moment where all of the Branches are reasonably happy.

We can't have that shit.

So with all the joy of a new babby in the facility, it got me thinking about the other side of this "circle of life." It's all about balance, so somebody must die.

Welcome to the Pen of Enlightenment. As always, our subject is Branch Timbley. He's already pissing and moaning about being hungry, but he shouldn't worry about starving to death. However, I do think he should get out his umbrella to take shelter from the pouring rain. 

Much better! Try to ignore the giant scorch mark at his feet. We'll just pretend that I didn't already try to zap him a few times with debug enabler.

After flailing around with triggering lightning strikes on the ground, I finally figured out how to hone in on my target. YAHTZEE!

SON OF A BITCH! Three strikes later and he is still standing there taunting me. Why won't this fucker die?

*tries again* VICTORY WILL BE MINE! (Apparently this is all I could capture of him being lit up with electricity.) Damn shame. And he's still standing.... *engage rage-mode*

 *tries one more time* HA! This isn't really what I planned, but I'll take a fire death.

Burn, Branch, burn!

Are you fucking kidding me? Apparently the rain extinguished him. If he thinks he's walking out of this pen alive just because he managed to escape 8 lightning strikes, he doesn't know his sim god very well.

 *engage lightning strike spam* Oooh this looks promising.

 Yes....

 YESSSS

YEEEESSSSSSSS!! Did you really think you could escape my clutches so easily?

 Grim showed up promptly to retrieve his hefty prize. I was starting to assume that he would be getting sick of coming to this lot, but it seems that he approves:

Even Grim thinks it is awesome when you die, Branch.

Considering how often Grim is bound to show up at the facility, I think it's time we get to know him a little better.

He'll steal your shit, forget to collect the bodies, but he'll probably clean up after himself. Still more likeable than Branch.

What does it say about you when Death gets a boner while collecting your body? I think I should have sent some lube with dead Branch.